Morbidly Obese: Whatever Happened To Pleasantly Plump?

Recently I was in a meeting with my mother, discussing my health and my desire to find something to do for a living that I could manage with my challenges. The individual that met with us asked me a series of questions about my current health and health history. After about an hour of questions, the interviewer said, “Lastly has anyone ever referred to you as morbidly obese.” Without thinking and leaving any time to be ashamed I said, “Yes” with a lot more enthusiasm than the reply deserved. He then responded with a surprised, “really?” Now my anxiety is on the rise, where is this heading, I thought? Finally after what felt like decades he says, “Whatever happened to pleasantly plump, overweight or large? I mean ‘morbidly obese’ makes you long for the days people just called you fat.” I immediately started laughing as well as the interviewer. As we were laughing, I noticed that he was also "pleasantly plump." All the way home, I thought about the phrase "morbidly obese." As soon as I got home and to my laptop I googled the term. I found the following on WebMD,

"Obesity is an excess proportion of total body fat. A person is considered obese when his or her weight is 20% or more above normal weight. The most common measure of obesity is the body mass index or BMI. A person is considered overweight if his or her BMI is between 25 and 29.9; a person is considered obese if his or her BMI is over 30. "Morbid obesity" means that a person is either 50%-100% over normal weight, more than 100 pounds over normal weight, has a BMI of 40 or higher, or is sufficiently overweight to severely interfere with health or normal function."

Shortly after reading what WebMD had on the subject, I called my cousin, Alexis. We were around the same density; she’d understand. I told her about the interviewer's comment, which she laughed at as well, the term “morbidly obese” and what I had found on WebMD. We then engaged in our normal discussions about weight. Both agreeing and then vowing to lose weight. These pacts are usually short–lived. Sometimes even in the same call we will see a commercial for Baskin Robbins or cake and all thoughts of physical fitness go trudging for door while we head to the kitchen or Baskins Robbins (you get the picture). I told Alexis if this was a grammar lesson and our status of “morbidly obese” was one word we’d be the superlative of fat. There is nowhere else for us to go on the fat scale. I told her that it did not matter what we weighed in this category because “morbidly obese” could go from 100 lbs overweight to one of the half – ton people on The Learning Channel. I then said we are going to have to work out just to get back to obese and then work even harder than that to get to fat. “Oh let’s get to fat, Alexis” I said half jokingly but in some parts serious.

Alexis agreed that we have to do something, not just talk about doing something but actually do it. We then started telling our fat denial stories. Alexis told me about how she hated when she was anywhere, most often doctor appointments, and was seated in a waiting room and someone “bigger than her” walked in, scanned the room and comes headed towards her as if they have found their soul-mate in her and sit down next to her. I immediately started cracking up because I knew exactly what she was describing. I knew because whenever I go anywhere I scan the room desperate to spot someone my size or (hopefully) bigger. I didn’t necessarily then park next to them but it helps to hone in on them so I know I not alone. There is a huge level of denial involved with being fat, obese and morbidly obese. I don’t think that some large people (myself included) are fully aware, at all times, of their actual size. This occurrence does not mean that the person does not realize he is overweight - he just doesn’t have an accurate perception of his own size. This may explain some bigger people's obsession with spandex and low rise jeans.

This perception problem is one that I struggle with not with spandex and low rise jeans - but not clearly seeing myself until I have no choice but to really look at myself. My best friend, Franchel (Francki) is a thin person on the verge of skinny and she has been that way since we first met our freshmen year of college and since that time I’ve remained let’s just say bigger. Anyway, we think the same things are funny, laugh at the same lame things, have similar taste in movies sometimes in men. We have so many things to discuss and do that I don’t spend too much of my time thinking about our size difference. Then there are times where it is too obvious to ignore. We will start out playing a game together on the wii and then after one event I am out of breath and have fallen on the couch. When the salt from my sweat stops burning my eyes I see Francki is not only still up and playing but jumping over the couch and running all over the room trying to hit imaginary tennis balls. At this moment the truth is undeniable. Living with Lupus slows me down a lot socially so I’m not out very often. When I do venture out (my cruise a few weeks ago) it is nice to get dressed up, go somewhere and be around people. While getting dressed for the evening it's fun getting ready for the event making sure that my hair is done nicely and making sure not to forget my perfume (I love perfume). I sometimes forget my size and insecurities. Then Francki and I will look at ourselves in a mirror together or take a picture together and then again it becomes undeniable.

Being “morbidly obese” (oh that stings) controls important aspects of my life. I wear my clothes usually bigger so that they are loose with lots of room and sleeves are a must for me. A few months ago, Francki and I went to the mall just to buy a few things for a vacation. Francki pulls out this blue/green type dress and says try this on - I believe this will look nice on you. I took one look at the dress and thought no way. The dress was a halter type dress that tied around the neck. She then got an attitude with me and said, “just try it on.” Anxious to prove my point I snatched the dress and went into one of the dressing rooms. I didn’t even want to see what I looked like in the dress; it was my plan not to look, open the dressing room door very fast and say, “ I told you.” Before I opened the door, I looked in the mirror with one of my hands over my face and slowly moved my fingers from my face. When I got a peek of the dress I thought this dress doesn’t look half bad. When I got a good look at it I thought, “this dress makes me look good” before I knew it I was dancing in front of the mirror. Francki then exited her changing room and said; “well how does it look on.” I quickly stopped dancing because I didn’t want her to know I liked the dress as much as I did. “It’s OK” I said. She said, “OK? That’s why you were in there dancing around in front of the mirror thinking you look cute.” Dang it, she had seen my feet; my happy feet moving all around. After the embarrassment waned and after Francki’s thumbs up, I got that dress and two others. I felt good because I didn’t know I could feel like that at my size in that kind of dress.

I believe that big can still be sexy but in most cases it cannot be healthy. Being overweight is not healthy and health should be the goal. I will never be a size 2, but it is possible for me to lose weight and be the healthiest I can be as a person with Lupus. I have never in my life been a thin person but prior to having to take prednisone (steroid) I was a lot smaller. I used the substantial weight gain as a crutch. I'd tell myself being overweight wasn't my fault. The onus was on the medication not me and for awhile that was good enough. This is how I managed to watch NBC's "The Biggest Loser" while eating pizza rolls that I dipped in ranch dressing and feel no guilt.

What I learned from the dress episode is that I should feel good about myself no matter my size. I also figured out in order to get where I'm want to be I have to appreciate myself now and realize that I am worthy of a healthy and happy life. It is easy to loathe yourself and stay morbidly obese. Why put hard work into something you despise? I have to love myself enough to put the time, energy and discipline into making myself healthy. Having Lupus is not something that I get to control but eating healthier and excercising is under my control. Weight on an otherwise healthy person shortens and diminishes the quality of life. I can not imagine the stress and wear and tear on my body. This was my, as Oprah says, "aha moment."