The Greatest American Heroes

Last night, I was online trying to find information on the flooding in Georgia. I went to CNN’s website (CNN because I have to support Anderson’s station). There were series of stories in the latest news section. I saw several articles and info on the flood but what caught my eye was a headline that read, “Clinic to couple: You got the wrong embryos.” Naturally, I clicked on the link for more information on the story. The story was on the Savage family. The mother, Carolyn Savage and her husband, Sean Savage had tried many times after the birth of their third child to get pregnant again. The family suffered a series of miscarriages and heartbreak before they decided to try invitro -fertilization. According to the article, Carolyn was at home waiting on a call from the doctor to learn if their fertilization had taken. The doctors called Sean Savage at work and informed him that indeed his wife was pregnant but she had been impregnated with someone else’s embryos. The couple described their sorrow and devastation over the mistake. In the midst of their own pain, the Savages continued with the pregnancy and gave the baby to its biological parents who desperately wanted the baby. The Savages stated that they understand that this was not the fault of the biological parents. The Savages stated that if the situation was reversed they’d hope and expect the couple to do the same thing. Carolyn Savage is a mother of three and her last two children were difficult births. It was advised that Carolyn not have any more children after this birth. The Savage family says that they are trying not to look at the birth of this baby as a loss but rather a really beautiful gift they are giving to these people who like them had struggled with having a child. The family expressed grief over the child growing up and thinking that the Savages did not want him or her but rather too many people wanted him. The Savages have 5 embryos left in a clinic in Atlanta so maybe hopefully with a surrogate they will receive the gift that they are giving to this unnamed couple.

Reading this story touched my heart and re-ignited my belief in selflessness and compassion. I could imagine really what the Savages were feeling but the story touched me so deeply. Then I tried desperately to remember if this was empathy or sympathy that I was feeling for the Savages. The distinction between empathy and sympathy is something I never fully grasped. Having the world at my fingers via the internet I did a search so that I can finally have an understanding of the words' meanings. Here is what I discovered with my online search -  “Sympathy essentially implies a feeling of recognition of another's suffering while empathy is actually sharing another's suffering, if only briefly. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes". Empathy develops into an unspoken understanding and mutual decision making that is unquestioned, and forms the basis of tribal community. Sympathy may be positive or negative, in the sense that it attracts a perceived quality to a perceived self identity, or it gives love and assistance to the unfortunate and needy. One feels empathy when one has ‘been there’ and sympathy when one hasn't.”

From these very lucid definitions of the two words I now know that what I am currently feeling is sympathy. While the Savages are feeling empathy for the biological parents of the baby that Carolyn is carrying. They understood what it felt like to lose children and go through struggles to have children. I think that it is remarkable and noble for them to take these things into consideration when they were deciding what to do about the horrible mistake that was made. This situation caused me to think about empathy and sympathy and I couldn’t help but notice that these qualities seem to be lacking in our world. Maybe it is naive but I truly believe that the large majority of people are good, extraordinary, heroic, kind and selfless. I think the bad things and people in this world make it difficult to always see these aforementioned characteristics. I think that is in people’s nature to love, to have compassion, to help individuals we see in need. I am choosing to believe that individuals that are not any of these things are the minority. I think people are not always in positions to prove bravery, strong character or compassion for others but it is in those opportunities when they do that their personal lights shine brightest. I think we are all (mostly) trying to do the right things in this world. We strive to do right by our spouses, children, friends, family and our community.

I think that the world could be a better place if we all understood empathy and sympathy realizing that we are capable of both depending the situation. I think both words are really just forms of compassion. I heard once in a movie or television show that those decisions that we make in an instant without thinking is what tells us who we are. I get chills whenever I think about the individual in New York who jumped in front of a train to save a stranger, a young college aged woman, who had a seizure and fell onto the tracks. If this individual had not done that this that girl would not be alive today. I don’t believe that man just woke up that morning and thought “hmm, I think I’ll be heroic today.” I think that this happened and he thought of nothing else but helping this person whose life was in danger. I don’t think that most people consider themselves heroes but I would bet money that this individual did not think of himself that way either. We look at what he did and wonder if we’d have done the same thing for a stranger. I think if we knew all that we were capable of we wouldn’t believe it. Heroes come in the most unexpected way whether they are saving people from trains, or carrying disabled people down flights and flights of stairs during the attack in New York, September 11, 2001, or carrying a baby for a stranger because of a mistake you had nothing to do with. I believe that given the right circumstances we all have a little hero in us and we are definitely capable of empathy and sympathy and having compassion for those like ourselves and those who are not like us.

I would love a world where time and energy were spent on helping people - placing them above money, greed and politics. Having compassion for others should be what is focused on in this country as opposed to people worrying that helping others is going to raise taxes and lower certain individual’s salaries that are already on the realm of ridiculous and rapidly moving towards sickening. Life is more important than money in my less than humble opinion.

The acts of the individuals involved in the attack on the US via the twin towers were sick individuals who wanted to break us. They failed. They did get us, but they didn’t get the best of our spirit, our loyalty and love for this country. I want to never forget the tragedy, but I also want to remember all the heroes there in NY and all around the world. That day and many days afterwards people weren’t looking at each other as black, white, Christian, agnostic, atheist, democrat, republican, gay or straight we saw each other as Americans. This was one of those times where people’s better selves were thrown to the forefront and we connected through empathy, some with sympathy and mostly all with compassion. We are the same America that we were then and I wish we could pull together again like that to end these wars, figure out healthcare and a solution to this economy. Let’s take the focus off of ourselves as individuals and look at ourselves as a collective that makes up the United States.