A Taboo Subject That Needs To Be Discussed: Child Sexual Abuse

“We are as sick as our secrets” is a familiar phrase that we hear quite often these days. I think it is popular because it is true. We encourage victims to come forward, at least on the surface, and then when they do we judge them. We further victimize them again by judging and questioning what they have told us. Obviously this rant has been inspired by the Mackenzie Phillips candid interview with Oprah this week. Phillips revealed that she had a sexual relationship with her father, John Phillips, from the singing group the Mamas and the Papas. Phillips revealed that initially the encounters with her father were not consensual; he raped her. Later the sexual encounters became consensual and went on for ten years up until Phillips found she was pregnant and was not sure if the father of her child was her father or a boyfriend she had at time. Phillips stated that she had an abortion which was paid for by John Phillips. What a revelation? Immediately the reason for Phillips’ continued drug use for the past three decades made sense. The Random House Online Dictionary defines incest as “sexual intercourse between closely related persons. The crime of sexual intercourse, cohabitation, or marriage between persons within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity wherein marriage is legally forbidden.” Molestation (molest) is defined as, “to bother, interfere with, or annoy. To make indecent sexual advances and to assault sexually.”

I immediately felt disgust when I heard this admission - not with Mackenzie Phillips but rather with her father, John Phillips. I felt compassion and deeply saddened for Mackenzie Phillips and the horrible secret she had been carrying around all these years. This horrible secret was supposed to be told on Oprah and it is detailed in her book.  Through the magic of the internet, the news hit online users the night before. Almost immediately the recriminations began. Many people including some of Phillips’ family doubt the validity of her statements. What does this say to our children who are being victimized? We encourage the fear that no one will believe them and so they feel, rightly so, those secrets are better left in the dark. Personally I’d gladly err on the side of a child claiming abuse than assume that the claims are not true. As someone who has worked with abused children I can’t imagine that any of them were capable of making up lies of that magnitude. This is not to say that this has never happened because sure it probably has, but I don’t believe lying is the norm. I don’t believe in taking risks when children are involved. It astounds me how heartless and judgmental people have been regarding Phillips’ disclosure. Compassion is defined as, “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” Some of the people that do believe Phillips’ claim that she had a sexual relationship with her father but question whether or not it was abuse since she consented to the sex. Phillips stated that initially it was rape and then it became consensual. I am not a therapist by any means but I have to wonder if the consenting was a result of the abuse. Perhaps consenting made her feel like she was not a victim and she had some control. Fighting the abuse alone she probably felt helpless and felt like all she could do was succumb to what was happening to her.

I was one of the people who found out this information prior to Oprah’s show. When I learned of this I immediately researched John Phillips and the other members of the Mamas and the Papas. My search of Michelle Phillips led me to the Manson Family, their victims and their crimes. Apparently, Michelle Phillips was friends with most of the individuals that were murdered. There is no way to research the Manson family and not read about Sharon Tate’s murder. I had read Helter Skelter several years ago and so I was already familiar with the case but I also take a minute when hearing of her pleas for the life of her unborn child and she was mocked and murdered. I knew that she was married to Roman Polanski at the time and he was out of the country when the murders occurred. Since I was researching people on line it made since to Google Polanski. I knew he was a director and he was married to Tate at the time of the murders. That was the extent of my Polanski knowledge. Well in my investigation of Polanski I found out that he had raped a child of 14. He got the child drunk and gave her Quaaludes and had his way with her and then told her that she probably shouldn’t say anything to her mother. Well I found that Polanski admitted to these allegations and basically skipped town to another country where he knew he would not be extradited. In a country that can ignore Polanski’s crimes and award him an Oscar, that he couldn’t even pick up himself due to his looming legal issues from the 70’s, surely it can muster a little compasion for a victim.  Obviously, Polanski’s crimes occurred prior to my birth and I wouldn’t know firsthand what the climate was like in this country then, but it seems to me that righteous indignation has been and is being wasted on the wrong individuals and issues.

I hope Phillips’ confessions on Oprah along with her book give her the healing that she seems to be desperately seeking. I appreciate Phillips’ response to detractors when she said that she was hoping that her journey, pain, and shame would shine a light on this issue and give strength to other individuals that are suffering a similar fate. Let us focus on the issue which is incest, child rape and molestation. Whatever her motives she has brought an important real issue to the forefront. This is a taboo subject for obvious reasons but we need to talk about it. We need to emphasize that children and adults that have endured these things should not stay quiet for fear of judgment and shame. These pedophile perverts and everyday perverts are able to thrive and continue with their abuse by telling those that they victimize they will not be believed or they will be blamed. This works because it happens. It is an incredibly uncomfortable issue and I think it should be,  but it happens,  and we have to talk about it and encourage children to talk about it without fearing recriminations.

I can’t imagine that Mackenzie Philips would be capable of making up something so horrible and tragic, but in the event that is the case this is someone’s story, shame, life. I think that is how we should see this admission by Phillips and use this as the catalyst to have some difficult conversations. It is the issue that needs further examination not the individual.